This...is the story...of...

Simon, the Wonder Vet.

Simon was a distant cousin by failed marriage to Thusly the Wonder Hampster. His claim to fame is his badge that he wears giving him the authority to travel around and help with people's dogs and cats when they need his help.

Simon's right arm is slightly bigger than his left because of a bout with Polio when he was young. That never stopped Simon the Wonder Vet from doing his amazing deeds throughout the land. Everyone loved Simon because of how cool he was. One thing that set Simon apart and made him famous was his baseball card collection. He owned an original Mickey Mantle rookie card that was pretty much his most prized possession.

I say that it was only pretty much so because his absolutely most prized possession was his famous hubcap photo collection. He loved to take pictures of people's hubcaps. He had everything from moonies right on through the wheels dressed in BigFoot Mud Gripper tires. Simon took pictures of hubcaps so that he didn't have to deprive the cars of their hubcaps and so that he could still have a sort-of hubcap collection.

One day, a Thursday, Simon noticed that he didn't have a picture of a 1978 Ford Futura hubcap. So he set out on a quest (after work, of course) to find one. He looked and looked and looked, all the while noticing other cars that he had not captured hubcaps from. Dodge Chargers, Chevy Citations, even AMC Pacers, but no Ford Futuras. It seemed that he had seen a Futura sometime the week previous, but couldn't quite remember. Yes! He had! It was at the grocery store.

So, Simon hopped on his little motorbike and headed across town to the grocery store. On his way, he passed his quasi-cousin, Thusly. He bid him good day and continued on his journey. When Simon arrived at the grocery store, he looked around the parking lot. Finally, over in one corner, shining like a gold dubloon, was the Ford Futura! It was even colored like a gold dubloon. "Hmmm. Must be aftermarket paint," thought Simon. So Simon proceeded to take pictures of the hubcaps of his precious find. He would be able to add these pictures to the 6,217 already-photographed hubcaps in his modest collection.

As he left the parking lot, completely content in his day of searching, a little ditty went through his head. It was disturbing to him because it was an ear worm by a group called The Backstreet Boys. These types of songs were difficult and frustrating to get out of his head. Simon didn't want that ruining the rest of his evening. So, he changed the words a little and came up with "Which Backstreet Boy is Gay" which amused him through the rest of his trip home.

Upon arriving at his dwelling, Simon the Wonder Vet plopped down in front of the TV to watch some news. However, since he had already heard about most of the stuff on the news (by way of the morning paper) he decided that it would be better known as the olds.